


Liminality

by orphan_account



Series: HideKaneWeek2019 [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Blood, Day 2, HideKaneWeek2019, Jason is his own warning tbh, Lost and Found, M/M, Self-Harm, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21751414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After escaping from Jason's playroom, Hide was the last person Kaneki expected to see.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi
Series: HideKaneWeek2019 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566736
Comments: 7
Kudos: 210





	Liminality

Covered in blood and walking away from the Aogiri raid, the last person Kaneki expected to see was Hide. He blinked, wondering if he was hallucinating again. Hide said something, his expression more serious than Kaneki ever saw. But, his words were drowned out by the roaring in Kaneki’s ears.

Hide placed his hands on Kaneki’s shoulder and everything came rushing back, leaving Kaneki gasping. Hide’s hands trailed up to his face, fiddling with Kaneki’s mask until he figured out how to get it off.

 _Oh god_. Hide was real. Hide was here. Hide was seeing Kaneki covered in blood and wearing a mask that identified him as a _ghoul_. He knew. He knew. _He knew._

Hide shushed him gently, thumbs rubbing against Kaneki’s jaw. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” He slowly slid his hands back to comb through Kaneki’s bloody, matted hair. Hide pulled him into a hug and Kaneki hesitantly returned it, tears blurring his vision.

This wasn’t at all how he imagined it. He was so sure Hide would feel angry – betrayed. Kaneki never thought he would accept him – never though he would comfort him. But – but… it was Hide, and Hide was always there for Kaneki, no matter what.

“Kaneki? Kaneki.” Hide cupped Kaneki’s cheeks and pulled back just enough so he could look him in the eyes. “We need to go, okay? We can’t stay here. Come on.” He took Kaneki by the hand, dragging him to a nearby tree his bike was leaning again. He had his backpack hanging from the handlebars. Hide unzipped it and pulled something out.

“You can throw these over your clothes so the blood isn’t noticeable.” Hide shoved a pair of pants and a sweater in Kaneki’s arms.

Kaneki struggled to get them on, his fingers feeling numb and uncoordinated. But he managed, pulling up the hood on the sweater to hide his hair. Meanwhile, Hide grabbed his bike and pushed it over, then straddled it.

“Ride on the back rack. Like when we were kids.” Hide’s voice was light, his smile easy. But it didn’t reach his eyes.

Kaneki sat, making sure to keep his legs out of the way of the wheel. He held onto the rack with one hand and fisted the other into the back of Hide’s sweatshirt. He remembered when they were kids, and Hide was excited about his new bike. He always rode as fast as he could, laughing with delight as the wind ruffled his hair. Kaneki in comparison was scared by the high speeds and squeezed his eyes shut until the ride was over. But Hide was happy, so by the time they were done, he couldn’t help but smile as well.

Now, he just wanted to cry. Or maybe fade away into nothing. He wanted to close his eyes and just… sleep. No nightmares, no dreams. Just sleep.

Hide’s balance on the bike wobbled a bit as he kicked off, but he found a rhythm quickly. Soon they were flying down alleys and onto side-streets. Kaneki watched the city lights whip past them. He wasn’t scared of falling off – not like he used to be.

Hide stopped when they got to his apartment. It was a tiny walk-up, much like Kaneki’s. He stared up at it for a long moment. He never thought he would be seeing it again. He only moved when Hide firmly placed a hand on his elbow and guided him along. The apartment was cozy, and messy, but still organized. Hide had his computer set on the coffee table, surrounded by empty cans of cold brew. He hastily shut the lid, then went to the kitchen. Kaneki heard some muttering as Hide opened the fridge.

“Here. Drink.” Hide passed Kaneki a can of cold brew, then steered Kaneki to the bed.

Kaneki made a noise of protest, worried he would get blood all over Hide’s sheets.

“It’s fine. Just sit. Drink your coffee. Let me have a look at you.” Hide touched the blood trail down his neck, trailing up to its source – his ear. Kaneki couldn’t help but flinch, spilling some coffee on his hand. “Sorry. Sorry.” Hide drew his hand away. “Can I..?”

Kaneki didn’t really know what he was asking, but he nodded anyway. Hide left for a moment, coming back with a damp towel. He hovered over Kaneki, then as gently as he could, tried to clean the dried blood and grim away. After some scrubbing, Hide inevitably gave up. He moved onto Kaneki’s hands, the broken chains around his wrist jangling with each movement. He paused when he cleaned the first finger of blood. He traced a line across his finger, right where the new skin met the old. There was a slight colour difference, the new skin paler and smoother. His nails, however, seemed to be stained a dark red. No matter how much Hide scrubbed, they wouldn’t come clean.

Hide stopped cleaning, holding Kaneki’s hand in his and looking down at his fingers. He exhaled shakily. “The person who did this to you… are they dead? Did you kill them?”

Kaneki remembered Jason under him, just barely clinging to life, his blood foul on Kaneki’s lips. “He wasn’t. When I left him. The CCG would have either captured him, or killed him.”

Hide sighed, running a hand over his face. Some of the blood on Kaneki got onto his hands, Hide leaving streaks on his cheeks. He reached over and grabbed his laptop of the table, opening up and typing hastily.

“What are you doing?” Kaneki glanced over Hide’s shoulder, seeing a website on one side of the screen and a wall of indecipherable text on the other. “What is that?”

“The CCG database. They’re still raiding the Aogiri base. I imagine they will still be well into the day tomorrow. They’ve updated it with some of the information they’ve gathered, to keep the other agents onsite in the know.” Hide typed a little longer, then angled the screen so Kaneki could better see it. “A list of the ghouls dead and captured. Go ahead and scroll through them. See if he’s on there.”

Kaneki took the laptop – feeling strangely calm. He already knew what it was going to say. That the ghoul – Jason – was dead. The alias, as well as his full name stood out to him on the screen. _Dead_. 

Hide was staring at him expectantly. Kaneki tried not to curl away from the scrutiny.

“He’s dead.” Kaneki turned away. “I don’t want to look anymore.” He was too worried he would recognize any of the other names on the list. He rubbed at his wrists, glancing away.

“Okay. Okay. Sorry.” Hide took Kaneki by the hands. “Let’s get you into a nice, warm bath.” Judging by how hard Hide had to scrub at his hands, the blood probably wouldn’t come off without soaking. “And I’ll get those cuffs off for you too.”

They went to the bathroom, Hide filling the tub and adding a generous amount of bubble bath. Kaneki got undressed and climbed in while Hide got his lockpicks. Surrounded by white fluffy bubbles, Kaneki stared at Hide’s pristine tile wall. Everything felt off-kilter. _Wrong._ Every time he closed his eyes, he expected to open them and find himself back in Jason’s playroom. He could feel the painful tingling as his fingers and toes regrew. He could feel the centipede moving around in his ear. He could see Jason killing that mother and child over and over again.

_Choose. Choose. Choose._

_The strong devoured the weak._

Kaneki devoured Jason. Kaneki decided he would never be weak again. He would never be helpless.

Kaneki glared at the cuffs around his wrists. It was quinque steel. Strong, but not unbreakable. He grabbed the metal and pulled, not caring if it tore into his skin, making fresh blood pool in the water. He felt the metal give slightly, and he gritted his teeth, pulling harder.

“Woah! Dude. _What the fuck._ ” A hand folded over his, gently pulling it away from his bleeding wrist. Hide had a pinched expression, but it slackened as he watched Kaneki’s skin knit itself back together.

“See.” Kaneki murmured. “It’s fine.”

Hide’s gaze snapped up to Kaneki’s, jaw clenched and face reddening in a way it only did when he was _truly_ pissed. Then he just seemed to… deflate. He scrubbed a hand over his face, sighing. “It’s not okay to hurt yourself.”

“It didn’t hurt. Not really.”

Hide hung his head. “Still… please?”

Kaneki considered him for a moment, then shrugged. He offered Hide his wrists. Hide dried off Kaneki’s wrists with a towel, the went to work with his lockpicks. He was more proficient than Kaneki expected, getting the first lock off in a minute, and the other one in half the time. He took Kaneki’s wrists in his hands, rubbing them gently.

“First hacking. Now lockpicking. Have any other hobbies I don’t know about?”

“Llama taming.” Hide cracked a wry smile. “Can’t say I thought I would ever actually _need_ those hobbies. But I’m glad I learned them.” He grabbed a loofah from a bag under his sink, put a generous amount of soap on in, then hovered over Kaneki. “May I?”

Kaneki nodded slowly, once again fixing his gaze on the wall. Hide started with his arms, cleaning as gently as he could. He spoke the whole while, taking about all the things that happened at school before Kaneki went missing. Kaneki didn’t doubt that Hide missed the last couple weeks, looking for him. By the time Hide moved to his shoulders, his voice was a constant hum in the background. And when he closed his eyes for Hide to wash his hair, he didn’t open them again.

Not until he heard a familiar laugh. Not Jason’s. But his own. Echoing off the walls of the checkered room.

He jerked awake with a gasp. The water in the tub sloshed about, some of it slipping onto Hide’s tile floor. Hide’s hand was on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You only fell asleep for a few minutes. You’re okay.”

But he wasn’t okay. He didn’t think he ever would be again. He swore he could still feel the centipede moving in his ear, and hear the sounds of flesh tearing and bones cracking. He could still see everything that happened, as vivid as it had been the first time. “Don’t say that. You don’t know.” Kaneki’s voice was barely a whisper, but from the way Hide tilted his head in thought, Kaneki knew he heard.

“You’re right… I don’t.” Hide turned, and for a moment, Kaneki was worried he said something wrong, and that Hide was leaving. Instead, he just grabbed a fluffy bathrobe. It was something Kaneki got him a couple years ago as a joke. It was a hideous off-white. It a had a hood with two floppy, crooked bunny ears. “You’re mostly done. Finish up what you need too and come join me?”

Hide left the door open a crack. Kaneki heard him rustling around in the kitchen, the noise comforting in reminding Kaneki he wasn’t alone. He quickly finished cleaning himself up, the water reddened by all the blood and dirt off of him. He drained the tub and gave himself one final rinse under the shower, then rinsed Hide’s tub too. He would’ve felt bad if he stained it.

He wrapped the silly bathrobe around himself, then exited the bathroom. Hide was waiting for him on his bed, a couple cups of steaming coffee set out on the coffee table. He sat next to Hide, who smiled and pulled the hood over Kaneki’s head. Kaneki made a face and pushed the bunny ears back so they weren’t hanging in front of his face. He picked up the coffee Hide set in front of him and drank deeply.

Usually, silences between the two of them were comfortable. But Kaneki could feel the nervous energy. Hide had a lot to say, but wasn’t saying anything. Instead, he was staring blankly into his coffee, hardly having taken a sip.

Kaneki was afraid of what he might ask. He didn’t really want to talk about it. He didn’t want to think about it. Hide opened his mouth, his eyes flickering with emotion. Kaneki couldn’t help but cringe in response. Hide noticed and abruptly froze. He closed his mouth, settled, and went back to staring into his coffee.

“Ken.” Kaneki’s shoulders tensed. “What can I do for you? Anything at all. Anything that would make this easier for you?”

He didn’t know the answer to that either. He leaned against Hide, pressed his head to Hide’s shoulder and shook it back and forth slowly.

“Okay,” Hide whispered. He wrapped an arm around Kaneki and held him tight.

“Just stay. Don’t leave.” Kaneki clutched onto Hide’s shirt.

“I won’t leave,” Hide assured. “In case you hadn’t guessed, you’re stuck with me.”

Kaneki huffed, tilting his head so he could see Hide’s face. He was smiling earnestly, eyes crinkled a little in the corners. His crooked smile showed his endearingly crooked teeth. Kaneki wanted to bask in his presence, and let everything else just fade away.

After a few minutes, Hide pulled the half-finished cup of coffee from Kaneki’s fingers. His eyelids fluttered and he shifted, realizing he was falling asleep again. He really didn’t want to, but it kept pulling him under insistently. Hide gently lowered him, placing a pillow under his head. Hide rested his head on his arm, pulling his blankets over the both of them.

“Just like when we were kids, uh?” Hide brushed a couple stray hairs away from Kaneki’s eye.

Kaneki hummed softly. He moved closer so Hide could wrap his arms around him again. Hide started rubbing soothing circles on his back and Kaneki finally surrendered himself to his exhaustion.

He didn’t know if things would ever be the same again – if he would ever be. But he knew – things would be better with Hide there, rather than without him. Kaneki didn’t know if Hide heard his ‘I love you’, or if it even left his lips.

But from the way Hide held him, he knew he was at least loved back. He was safe. He was strong. And he would go to any length to protect Hide, just as Hide did for him. No one would ever take anyone from him, ever again.


End file.
